#AskAmira Forgiving Your Partner?!
Q: Do you have any advice on forgiving a spouse and overcoming fights?
A: Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a critical tool for a marriage relationship. Additionally, being able to forgive is a way to keep yourself healthy both emotionally and physically.Be open.
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people say things they do not mean now and then. Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven.
No relationship, especially a marriage relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness. Even though you may find it find it difficult to forgive, being able to forgive is crucial in marriage.
But, it’s also important to know when enough is enough: If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to say enough is enough and to end your marriage. In these situations, forgiveness for the past hurts may take longer and that is okay. If that’s not the case check out my tips on forgiveness below.
Tips For Forgiving Your Partner
- Make a decision to forgive your spouse.
- When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts.
- Don’t throw an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date. Don’t use it as ammunition in an argument.
- Don’t seek revenge or retribution. It will only extend the pain.
- Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression.
- Remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the hurtful behaviour.
- Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. Don’t try to hurry the process.
- If you continue to be unable to forgive, or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt, please seek professional counseling to help you let go and forgive.